How to deal with Lies, slander and libel
80Gossip is an oft ignored problem
The damages inflicted by gossip and slander can be severe. It is not by accident that scripture addresses gossip and the dangers that it can inflict. Gossip is often seen as a minor offense in the eyes of many people, until they have been the victim of such actions. Gossip can concern moral character with allegations of theft, infidelity, cheating, or other actions. It may also include allegations of drug use or criminal activities as well.
Although many people by their nature talk about the actions of others, the intentions may not be of a malicious nature. Spreading misinformation or distorting of facts occur by accident is very different from such actions occurring with a malicious intent. The malicious use of gossip can be based on revenge, political motives, or indirect assault on the person. Revenge minded persons often try to destroy a person’s character indirectly through slander and libel.
What are slander and libel?
Slander occurs when people present another person in a bad light based on lies. Slander is typically defined as being an oral defamation. Typically such slander makes them look bad in terms or morals or moral conduct. Lifting a person up to ridicule and defame their character based on a false representation of facts.
When the defamation which occurs is written, in print or broadcasted it is considered libel. Both slander and libel are considered ‘torts’, and carry with them legal penalties (a tort is a legal suit under civil laws). Like many legal torts, questions quickly arise concerning what constitutes proof or evidence. There are also statutes of limitations on the offenses. Since the statute of limitations on slander and libel are a year, it behooves someone to take action promptly on such issues when they choose to pursue legal remedy for their situation.
Preventing and pursuing remedy
Although a person may be guilty of libel or slander, taking the matter to court and winning the case may be a challenge. The mental status of the person along with their age will be taken into consideration. Many times when people are hurt, they find ways of hurting those they blame for their hurt.
In my case, the slanderer was my mother, and since she was an ‘old woman’, little could be done to keep her from slandering and libeling me and my husband. Since many people often allow little old women to talk, little was done. Even when legal matters were underway, her behavior was excused, citing that “she is just angry”.
It is difficult to prevent others from saying things about you. People often talk. Taking preventative measure such as treating people decently, using manners, and keeping ones reputation in a good light are helpful in dispelling false accusations. Keeping your dealings above board and steering clear of ‘questionable’ people and events are some of the better practices that can keep ones character from being impugned. Even in societies where freedom of speech is controlled” by government policy, they have not been 100% effective in keeping people from gossiping.
Links
- Who Stole My Mother
Are you ready to do something about the lies and slander? If you are, order this autobiographic account of how I dealt with lies and slander from an abusive mother, who eventually sued me for $1 Million (p.s.-she didn't get it). - Rachael Ray Show Preventing Cyber-slander
The official site for Rachael Ray's Emmy® award-winning daytime TV show. Get new recipes daily, watch celebrity videos, chat with Rach's buddies, and more. - Prevention of slander
What is the name of your state? Illinois Does a Village owned facility have an obligation to prevent confrontations between people where one person - Legal Ethics: Slander: Defamation of Character, defamation of character, elements of defamation
- http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/ca-libel-and-slander-laws-8340.html
CA libel and slander laws - I have attended a Post Master program in California I have gone through the graduation ceromony and
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Bella,
Slander always hurts. When those slandering have mental problems, the situation becomes very touchy. I found that ignoring slander was often difficult. I tried to keep up a good front despite the deep hurt I felt inside. I have to remind myself that it is not worth lashing out at every hurtful word, especially in today's lawsuit happy society.
Great hub. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It's always so much more hurtful when the one spreading the lies is your family.
Sandra,
Thank you for the support. I have grown since then and learned that gossip is one of those things that does a lot of damage. I now think twice and even three times before giving into the temptation to gossip after what I have been through.
I've been slandered by a Director who works in a government agency. I have proof (emails) of her slanderous and defamatory comments. The last contractor I worked for also is slandering me to the point where it has made it very difficult for me to get any more contracts for therapy. Only of those contractors was cool enough to tell me what had been said via phone and email. Would like to confront slanderers, but it may fuel the fire.
I understand completely. I worked with a vicious and devious female for almost 13 years, we were polar opposites, she was very controlling, territorial and jealous and defensive where no attack was ever intended or carried out. Our male employer was aware of her personality and my truth. She tried to oust me from my work in Aug 07 which I successfully fought off with proof of her untrue allegations. Yet this was never considered when she tried again in November last year and this time, as our employer had had enough, he felt he had to separate us and he dismissed me, contriving false statements etc. and throwing the baby out whilst keeping the sexually manipulative bath water. I am dismissed and prospective employers assume it was true and just, which it certainly wasn't, so the unjust treatment is continuing after. What goes round comes around. I am waiting for vindication but can't see anything yet. With love and good wishes to all the disabused like ourselves.
i too have been working with a vicious co worker, who has defamed my character and my work life to the hilt, i did not know the extent of it until today and am a bit shocked, i think it will confront her and then go management any suggestions!
I am interested to know whether truth, and fair comment amount to defences in the US? I believe that 'truth' is no longer as strong a defence in Australia as what it once was.
Therapist,
Slanders from a boss are particularly hard to deal with. Your situation sounds like a nightmare. It is sad to hear how so many people have been victims of slander and just plain old bad mouthing.
Virsco 79 and Barb,
Thank you for your helpful comments. I am doing good to know how to make it through my own experiences with slander. I have found it a minefield filled with emotional, relational and legal dangers and pitfalls.
It sounds like the two of you have fought several battles with the slander monster yourselves.
I've been a victim of slander and libel from my older sister for most of my life. I've just fought back through email, by exposing some of it to her daughters. I doubt it will have a beneficial effect, and I'm sure that I just have to drop out of their lives altogether. I might just write a book about it though - a sci-fi fantasy.
Slander is also covered under "bullying". That is what it is, really. Look up bully.org, or nobullyforme.org type of places. Anti-bullying legislation is spreading, first in France, then in Quebec and Saskatchewan, and I believe it's coming to the US.
Margaret,
Slander from family often hurts more than from strangers. In my case, it was my mother, who did so in a lawsuit against me and my family. The experience has led me to hate slander and bullies whatever form they come in.
Thank you for the links. I will look them up.
You have no idea how this article hit home , its so imformative i thank you so much our family is currently going through every aspect for years and as time goes by its happening more and quite freqeuntly if you have time please take a look at my hubs..
My husbands ex wife slandered me in court. She took out false stalking charges against me. They were divorced several years before we met. We have been married for two years. She had several affairs during her marriage, and now she is very jealous of me because my husband and I are happy and love each other very much. She poisons my adult step daughter against her dad and me. The judge threw her accusations out of court, but I am very angry about this. It is so bad we have thought about moving so we can have a peaceful life free of this scorned ex. She is his ex because of her affairs. She has actually been the one harrasing us!
Karen,
That is terrible! The sad truth is that it happens all too often. Much like the thief is the first one who suspects people are stealing from them, the slanderer is often quick to slander others when they themselves are the ones who are often doing the dirty stuff themselves. Dealing with such situations often carries with it a sense of dealing with the 'unreal' due to the twistings of emotions and logic that often accompany slander.
Thank you for the helpful information Sue St. Clair. Sadly, one of the hub users who left you a comment on this story, has harassed and followed me here on the hubs. She uses every dirty trick in the book. She blows smoke to cloud the truth and as sick as it sounds, she is my ex's niece as well as his sister in law. Right now and for a long time, he has been hiding behind her, his brother and the rest of that family. Sadly, including our son. The Ex uses them as his shield while he hides from the truth. Then he tells them (his family) to do as much damage to me as they can get away with. I think my next hub story will be entitled " No Contest, His Court Plea And What That Means." Your hub was a good read.
Susanlang, I read your hub (No Contest His Court Plea), very well done and sound information you gave us there. Thanks.
i stumbled on to this trying to find comfort because a girl is slandering me all over facebook, she even caused some friends to delete me before they even got my side of the story, i didn't agree with some cause she wanted me to join and subsequently she harasses me. she has embarrassed me in front of much of our graduating class. reading all this has made me realize i'm not at all alone in this mess, but i would still like to know how i can handle this or if i should delete my facebook page altogether (i hope this isn't to trivial, i know you all have bigger dilemmas)
Susanlang,
Thank you for your kind words. It is unfortunate that the comments section is used for many non-helpful things. When dealing with painful topics, many hurts come to the surface at the time. I hope that things work out for you.
Roger,
It makes me happy that you found it useful. Hearing comments like that reassure me that the hell I went through had a silver lining.
Oh, I've had to deal with a whole set of lies circulating around about me, and I'm not above trying to sue. When or if you can't sue, though, I think the only other thing you can do is go right around behind anyone who has said something that isn't true, and say what it is. (Sometimes people don't intend to be malicious or lie. They actually believe what they say, or else they've filled in blanks with their own off-center thinking.) Either way, don't let lies sit. It can ruin lives.
Lisa HW,
I feel for you. My own experience is that some people can not handle the truth. I have to be careful about 'correcting' things. I learned that I had to pick and choose my battles and who I corrected. Many people in today's world do not take correction or any disagreement with their reality well. The power of delusional thinking is a powerful obstacle, especially when dealing with the elderly.
What I did do in situation where they would not accept correction is to 'negate' the slander/lie/untruth in my own mind. Passively standing by and accepting their lies often destroys confidence in one's own self. I started negating them to myself, so that I did not fall into their delusion. As my confidence grew stronger, I was able to do other things to counter the lies/slander, etc.
Thanks for adding to the hub.
My girl friend sent a message on facebook to me and i answered it. I didn't look up at the time and think and didn't realize she was sending his message to 4 other people. There is bad blood beteen us and a court order barring us from contacting each other so I will . If I tell someone the story of how he became stranger instead.
sorry to hear about this , the same happend to my friend in our small town it was disgusting
i am dealing with a similar situation at my job. i'm a student and work as well. some "customer" came in and told a supervisor (who has been very rude with me before) that I was fired from my last job for "stealing money". This customer was a security guard at the last job. This accusation was false; I was fired but not for "stealing money". I have been a good worker at my job and have dealt with a lot of stress the past week with this issue. This supervisor has not only told the manager but also another worker (one that I know of, who know who else).
I consider it to be very unprofessional of this security guard to come in and say these things about me. I don't know for sure that it was him but I'm going to assume that it is because his wife is a regular customer and he comes in with her occasionally.
My manager will not tell me who this man was, and said that if I complain to my former employer it would "come back to him anyways". I felt this was unfair and not accurate.
I've already complained at my former employer but I doubt they'll get back to me; they have quite a bureaucracy there (it's a department store). I will probably go personally in to talk to the general manager if no one gets back to me in the next few days
The gossip is very hurtful and it bothers me the way this woman at my job (supervisor) has been treating me. It bothers me even more that this man from my former job would come in and distort truths and spread slander about me. Very unfair.
i hope some can help me. i'm thinking of sueing my step daughter for slandering my name and the lies that she been saying i raised her from age 10 and i was pretty controling of her life. but the place i live has a high birth rate and trouble kids i raised her like one of my own and now after 7 years her real dad comes back in her life. there is nothing wrong with that but now she is saying i have touched her and abused her. that is full of crap my wife told me that she is rebeling and tring to find a way out. we i guess she did now child services took her away and they wouldn't let me tell my side so now she is with her real father and she is still slandering my name through texting to her friends up here and i'm hereing it all around town . is there anything i can sue her for now she is 18 and a adult.
thanks
jimmers,
I have not seen a family situation that has improved with a lawsuit within the family. In such cases, it often makes things worse. The false accusations are certainly hard to deal with. Child Services never plays fair. I suspect that her texting and slandering is her way of continuing to 'play you'. The best thing to do is to keep your distance from such persons.
Victoria,
Those who gossip do not play fair. If they played fair, they would not have resorted to gossiping. Gossip destroys people's lives, especially in small towns.
It is often seen as a "small thing", yet when you have been the victim of it, the damage is often deep and long-lasting.
i have a problem with a neighbour she is going round telling people that me and my husband are drug dealers it is getting worse and im starting to get angry i confronted her about it she denied she called us drug dealers but said "i did say i hope its not drugs as i have 3 children next door " she then proceeded to say im not the only person saying it she is telling everyone i have spoke to i have known her for 14 years and helped her with her kids had her over for coffee took her shopping and helped her when she was ill. My husband has his own business and has had it for 22 years we both work hard and our children are grown up so we can afford to treat ourselves now. i am tempted to contact a solicitor but is this a good idea
Shelly,
Your neighbor does not sound like a nice lady. Rumors about drug abuse is a way to ruin a person's reputation. It is sad to think that there are such people running around, but the truth is they thrive on destroying others.
You will need to set some firm boundaries with her. In many ways it sounds like she is performing a type of blackmail on you and your family. What she is doing is mean spirited.
I got wind of my ex-wifes aunt spreading misinformation amongst our close knit community. I decided to confront the issue directly and in writing. I figured this to be the Positive way to deal with. My mother had to bear the wrath of her reaction, however I am confident that I channelled my agitation in the best possible course. I am hopeful that the desired outcome is achieved and the spreading of filth ceases. I dont wish to pursue litigation, although it is available as an option.
Abu Sana,
I hope that your writing helps as well. My experience is that writing can often backfire. Although face to face or phone calls are more intimidating, they work better than writing. With writing, the slanderer often takes comments out of context, reading into whatever their warped minds had imagined.
Hello, I know this is an "old" hub and yet it is a "goody" Thanks for stopping by my Hitler hub and I will now follow your work!
highvoltagewriter,
Thanks for stopping by. You sound like me. It often takes time to get around to reading the many good hubs out there.
Hello there! :)
I'm a local business owner and former employee for a church here in Northern Indiana. I've recently had several people approaching my staff, most of which have no ties to my church. They've asked questions concerning things they've been told by a pair of members of my church. They've gone so far as to say that I'm stealing things from a bookstore a dear friend of mine runs inside the church/school building. The problem isn't just the slander, cause this sort of thing has been going on for quite some time. The problem, is that faithful customers, who have no friendship towards me and are purely professional relationships, have been coming to my staff with such questions as to stealing, not doing my job, all the way to just complete atrocities. They've begun to come forward to my staff, because while they don't doubt my reputation, or my credentials, they're becoming concerned with this matter possibly damaging my business and ability to serve them in the future. I'd like to know how I can put an end to this sort of problem. While it hurts to hear these things being said about me by the secretary of my own church that I've attended faithfully and served in for over eight years, I know that these people who have come forward are being honest with their' concern. Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated. It hurts, but could really cause damage.
Thanks.
indyguy36,
That is terrible to hear of how low some people go in their revenge. If I had to deal with it, first I would make sure of my relationship with my employer and the staff. Once those are secured, try to talk with the slanderers yourself. In some cases, they are willing to talk, in others, they are so bent on destruction, they continue doing what they were doing. If that does not work, try talking with them accompanied by one of the elders of the church. If they are unresponsive to that, at least you have alerted the leadership of the church and showed good faith in dealing with the situation.
Really need help im at my wits end. About 2 and a half years ago i had i short term relationship with an ex and i got pregnant to the Person. After threats of paying people to have the baby kicked out of me and i refused his mother started spreading rumours about me saying i had slept with a minor, there was at least 5 potential daddys involved which was so not true and had to have a dna test as the father then started saying we had never slept together, In time i had my daughter and did Dna test which i funded out my own pocket, I also have a older child who's disabled so this was a big strain on my finances.
When the baby finally reached 7 months i finally pressed a head with going to the csa for financial help towards my daughters up bringing. Which obviously made them suddenly want some thing to do with my daughter.
After that we decided to set a private agreement of £50 p/m even though he has a big income just so i (then thought)would help him bond with her and would also get help bringing her up as at times its a hard job being a single parent on a very low income.
We have had lots of ups and downs since then and after a year of them knowing her things have not improved the way of him or his family helping so i pressed along with the csa again so i could get help with child care. And now they have found out they have started the very deepfully hurt full rumours again which include getting young boys drunk to sleep with them, leaving my daughter to cry all night which is so not true, as i write this i have been up since 4am with the baby so as you can see this is the normal time getting up now. But i really dont know what else to do as there now refusing to see the baby.
The first time the rumours started i actually went for legal help which they wrote a letter to the grandmother stating the rumours were untrue which did make her stop. But as this has propped up again and writen all over her facebook for the world to see, i really need some advice on what to do next. Please Help!! my email beki.stobart@live.co.uk as i dont go on this page normally so might not see your reply
Young mummy,
Your situation is heartbreaking! Having such vile rumors being spread ruins reputations and in your case even employment prospects when they are that vicious. I applaud you for raising your daughter. It pains me on reading how others are refusing to even see the baby. They are so innocent, and to refuse seeing them is so cold hearted. I do not understand such evil.
I am at a loss to tell you what to do since I do not know how the English support systems operate. What I can tell you is that life is precious, especially a young child's. Priority #1 is taking care of yourself and your child. As you care for the child, and people see the care you provide, there will be less grounds for others to believe the terrible rumors being spread. A good mother is not one who sleeps around. When they see you are a good mother, the rumors of sleeping around will have no credence.
I worked as an elder abuse investigator in nursing homes for the state. My supervisor didn't like my findings and asked me to "make them go away" which I found to be disgusting. He said that it was too much work for him to deal with and he wanted the corp. attorney to stop calling him. I presented my case to the feds and they agreed with me, so I became a whistleblower. Then my supervisor called my work into question and tried to fire me for just cause, citing 3 typos -- one in a 110 page abuse report. Also he had custody of my paperwork for 5 months and now my paperwork is "missing", which is more than a little coincidence. HR didn't seem to even hear the facts in the case, but immediately sided with the supervisor, who refers to himself as Teflon man because nothing sticks to him. I find that so creepy! To say that these typos were petty is putting it mildly. He did not scrutinize my colleagues' typos or when they put on blinders to mistreatment and neglect in nursing homes, which he wouldn't because they did make his job easier by not having any findings. He rewarded their deficiency-free surveys with promotion and preferential schedules and destinations for work (we worked across the state). After successfully defending my spotless work record I quit. Unfortunately the feds did not act on my report, although my findings did remain as part of the public record. Later two of his employees announced their confidential schedule in the social media, against federal regulations. Announcing that they were traveling to a town that has one nursing home, so anyone could know they are coming. It would surely make their (and his) job easier to pre-announce an unannounced survey, and does not provide an accurate picture of the care in that nursing home, as their arrival was announced a day prior to their visit and the home had lots of time to "correct" any issues. These two state workers should have received a federal fine and lost their jobs, as is the practice in other states. And he should have been reprimanded for not monitoring their actions online. He sure monitored and scrutinized my actions using a high powered microscope. Slander, disparate, and discriminatory treatment are three things that immediately come to mind. Hmmm......
Employeee,
Thanks for your contribution. Teflon is a creepy substance and even creepier when used to describe people. I find it ironic that it is carcinogenic in both cases. Your situation is a tough one to deal with. I don't really know what to say given all the stuff involved.
I wish you well in handling it. They are definitely not playing fair and it does not sound like they ever will.
I have been completely stripped of my dignity, judged and crosifire not to mention the hurtful slander, even if it was true I always believe give the other person a chance to defend himself But I choose silence and hoppefully it will go away why put oil on the fire. But the truth is for how long should I allow her to slander me without doing anything especially since her slander has turned into revenge where do I draw the line
Julandie,
You have been through the ringer with the person you mention. As to how long you choose to allow her to slander you, ...I don't know. I find that it is a personal decision. In some cases, it may not be worth doing something. You will have to weigh out what you will gain versus what you may loose by doing something.
Vengeful people are often hard to deal with, since many of their outbursts are about picking fights. In some cases, the only way to win is to not fight. In other cases, you will need to fight or things will never change. I find that it is a personal decision on a situation by situation thing.
I am flattered that you would want my opinion though.
I have been slandered and trash talked by 4 step kids for 5 years. I have had enough. I have gone out of my way, over and over for them to do for them, and they just slap me in the face. They have trash talked me to my husband's side of the family, so others have kept their distance until I found out it was going on and was ablt to tell the truth. I have had to see a therapist about this because my nerves are shot and I don't think my husband is doing enough to stop it.
One day the barmaid from our neighborhood bar approaches me and says there's this guy that went to school with me says he had sex with me 30 years ago!!! Do I remember him? Well I do not remember him and WHY is this a question I need to address?? My husband and I frequent this bar and our children are friends with many of the
people that frequent this establishment also. The barmaid is now telling everyone about this so called encounter and is trying to make trouble for our family- I have not told my husband about this and do not want to
bring it up because it shames me even though it never happened --what should I do-- How should I handle this --
I also have parkinson's disease that's the main reason I am afraid to confront this matter because any stress brings on shaking and nervous reactions that make me look even worse-- can I do anything legally?? I am looking for any opinions Please
my nieces are slandering my character about my late Sisters' estate. They had asked me to take care of closing her banking accounts and do the work required for life insurance. That was 3 years ago, and it turned out badly, they accused me of withdrawing money, manipulating a small Life insurance claim. These girls live in poverty and are wasting their time & putting divisions in a very big matriarchal family. It's really hurtful and am thinking that it is truly slanderous and definitely my ego is more than at stake, my family prided on me to use a college education & healthy lifestyle to the betterment of the whole. Now my role has been tainted. Am worried it will affect my ability to help my mother manage her Estate.
Elizabeth,
My heart goes out to you and many other step parents. Just the whole image of step-parent often brings slander and negativity in some circles. You have had a steam shovel load of rejection dropped right on your lap. That is a hard situation to deal with.
used & accused,
I cannot give any legal advice on your situation. It feels slimy and slanderous just reading it. There are times that making a big deal about such matters has a way of giving them more energy and power. This is a situation that needs the plug pulled rather than more power given to it (in my non-legal opinion).
Darlene,
With family deaths and the settling of estates, there is often a nastiness that comes out. Much of the nastiness is driven by emotion and fear, which makes logic or reason useless. Those filled with nastiness will not listen to reason, or logic or in my case, even the facts. I found arguing with them pointless and often frustrated me by trying to talk to them.
Such vicious rumors leave scars, as you know that make it harder to care for others in the family.
Sue
I constantly deal with family who use slander and indirectly making comments on facebook, it really is hurtful. My family is all split a part and all sides seem to not give in to each other and its tearing me apart. One thing I can't stand is being accused when I don't have anything to do with their problems. oh what to do...I know one thing, many people are very slow learners of what not to do, I just wish my family wise up a bit...I'm soooo upset!
My two boss's have been victimising and bullying me for 5-6 years now and my workmates too. Last year I launched a grievance against them bothfor intimidation, bullying etc. I went through the grievance and Dignity at Work procedures only for them both to be kicked out at every stage. In desperation I sent an e-mail to the press detailing the incidents but my employer found out as I called my boss, vile, nasty, obnoxious, shoevenistic, vindictive, vermin. now my higher boss is seeking legal advice on libel. This is after I reported that my boss has not done anything about two staff members stealing over 50,000+ from taxpayers money. All I said was true and not malicious but they seem to be ganging up on me. What will happen to me and my staff?
MY mother has been jealous of me as i live a happy and better life than my other brothers and sisters, and from the past three years my mother in words has been negative and now making beleiving people all lies abt my an incident which took place, she manupalated and putting me in a negative light to family members....and most importantly malagining my character, what do i do???
Great post! Many can relate to this. Those who use slander and lies to hurt others may be very hurt inside and hurting others is their only form of comfort. It's unfortunate, but that's how some may choose to deal with their inner pains. Whenever someone chooses to denigrate our names with lies, it will always hurt. In fact, It will hurt even more when it's our own family. We must pray for them for they're not aware of their actions. Most importantly, we must forgive them and never fail to treat them with love and compassion.
Hi, since june of this year 2011 i have been receiving messages on facebook of a woman accusing my husband of cheating with her, i have asked her many questions regarding little things like what type of tattoo does he have and where on his body is it blah blah blah and she has not been able to answer but she is now stating that she is pregnant with his child, it has since caused many arguments between my husband and i and the worst part of it is our 2 children aged 4 and 12 have been around while these issues have taken place, i no longer sleep in the same bed as him as i dont know who is lying and who is not, my husband says that hi is willing to take legal actions to prove his innocents can some one please tell me how this would stand in court or how to go about proving his innocents. I dont know who to believe and it will come the crunch that a divorce will take place.
my emplyer has said he has heard that things are happening in the workplace that arent true and i fear that i am about to lose my job over this. am i legaly obligated to find out who told him these lies?
My husband and business partner posted (without my knowledge) photos that negated my contributions to a collaborative projects. I was devastated when I saw what he had done. Now people are making remarks that he does all the work. I am losing work. For years I was the one making most of the income, now it has turned the other way. I can only assume these pages are the reason. This has been a punch to the gut and I am now trying to mitigate the damage he has caused. I am even considering giving up the work I have done for 20 years and has brought me acclaim, which he thinks is fine as he has often said he doesn't want me competing with him.
Someone in my family and her soon to be fiance has said things about my fiance and kids, i wont say what because its to bad to even repeat i just want to say the words trailer Trash and a very hurtful racial slur was involved using one of my kids names in context, we have printed the message we revived and are debating on what we should do. If anyone has any advice i would love to hear it thank you. Mind you i don't care if you suggest something with the law or a law suit.
I was accused of harrasment at work by an annonymous person the manager tells me. I have no idea who the harrassed person is and what could I have done. Two months later I discover that there is a group of ladies at work who seem to enjoy making false accusations from time to time. It's very sad. I'm a very hurt and sad man now. I hope they won't make up anymore stories about me now that there's a new male employee, hopefuly their attention will go to him. I feel bad for him but I'm too scared to warn him. I hope he's tougher than me and will manage to reveal their scheme to his advantage.
I am an older sister of 4. Married for 17 years to a wonderful, supportive, hard working husband, with 2 daughters. (16,14 years of age) For years I have dealt with my sisters being jealous of the things my husband has provided for us and the relationship we share. I have also dealt with a mother who takes sides with them. I often feel left out in the family, like a black sheep of some kind. Recently I received a phone call from a sister that pointed out that she did not like me texting her husband. The texting was concerning a baseball game in their town. He and I share an interest in the game and only was discussing that. Clearly this was expressed in the texts. We had discussed the scores and plays from the team. The texts were very innocent (by far), I also had given my husband my phone to read the texts to see if I was or had done anything wrong. He proceeded to laugh at her slander. My husband truly believes my sister has reached a place in her marriage that I can do nothing about. That she and only her can fix. The character assassination against me has really hit my heart heavy. I can't get past the fact that my sister thinks that I was in appropriate with texting her husband. My husband and I have also come to the conclusion that we are not comfortable with being in the same house with her nor with her present. We live in different towns so saying our goodbye's to one another is with a hug of acknowledgment. I'm not comfortable with this either now. She has made me think that I'm a bad inapropreiate person or something. I'm clearly not!!! My husband dislikes her remarks and continues to tell me he will be supportive with my decisions. Christmas is around the corner and our family will be getting together soon. As of right now, I want to call my parents and tell them I will not be coming this year. Which will kill my dad!! He is a very devoted father and grandfather to our family. My mom has also disconnected from me and had my father call me with the invite for Christmas. I knew when he did this, there was trouble brewing in the air. So now what, do I go and be uncomfortable or do I stand my grounds with my sister and let her know that her problems are not mine? My children will also be affected by all of this.They have no idea whats going on. So their questions to me would be, "Mom why did we not go to grandma"s house for Christmas?" UGHHHH, now what??
I needed to add, that I have been friends with this brother-in-law for 28 years. My sister and him have been married for 19. So am I suppose to ignore her thoughts and keep his friendship or respect her wishes and hurt the friendship. She has disrespected me with these accusations and I'm truly hurt. I have never in my life purposely hurt any of my sisters.
Is it considered slander that my fiance's ex-wife has talked so many bad things about me to her friends, written in e-mails, told family and the children 9&5 to hate me, the 5 year old now hates me, he never did before when he was in our custody for 7 months... His mother has taught him to hate me because she has found out we are getting married and she believes she gets to keep custody if her children say they hate me and don't want to ever see me or live with me (or their father) she has kept the 5 year old from us for 4 months regardless of our court ordered parenting time. He calls his dad and says he hates me all the time, we've recorded it several times. She also had the 9 year old call and tell her grandma she hated me and since she told her grandma her mom made her say it she got grounded and called her dad in tears, when she wasn't supposed to and then got yelled at (could hear in the background) you're not allowed to call your dad. The ex tells the kids all I do is bribe them to like me and that I brainwash them. (Which is what she is doing). According to the 9 year old she writes a lot of bad things about me on her blocked facebook and says a lot of negative bad things about how stupid and how much of a bitch I am in front of the kids as well as others, etc. All she does is talk negatively about me to the kids and everyone else, she has nothing better to do. I taught the 5 year old how to tie his shoe last year and she will not let him tie his shoes because I taught him. Also if I braid her daughter's hair she makes her take it out immediately upon seeing it. This is very damaging to the children and not just to them but between the relationship between them and myself especially amongst the 5 year old who has been taught to hate me and say so repeatedly to everyone. What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm not going to stoop to her level, she shouldn't be talking about me in the first place, I have done so many good things for those children and I am such a great influence as a college graduate and a police officer before that... Honestly I shouldn't let the words of a lesser person hurt me but it is affecting the relationship between myself and my soon to be step children! Any suggestions?
i was slandered to the point of never ever trusting people again
This is a very long story - however, I will try to make it as short as possible. Basically, my husband worked with his father in a 1/2 million dollar business and was told that he would inherit the business when the father passed along with his mother. When the father passed (cancer) the brother stepped in (who has not been around in the 20 years we have been married) and convinced the mother to split the business with him. In the meantime, he started to attack us. He "sicked" his daughter on my daugher at school - physically attacking her exactly how the father was trained in corrections. He then physically attacked my 19 year old son in the mother's house with her watching. We lived right next door to the mother and after this along with several more verbal threats to us and our family by him and his family we put our house up for sale. He then started lieing to everyone in the neighborhood. He would stop potential buyers telling them stories about how our house had been flooded and stories of septic and drainage issues. Through it all, we finally had a contract. He then found out the buyers and told them that he would sue them to get "his" property back. (Which it never was). So now, we are stuck once again. He is such a bully that the neighbors refuse to say anything about what they have said about us or our property. Our realtor told us that a buyer told him what was said but nothing was in writing. The only thing we have in writing is the email from the buyer who had the contract stating why he was backing out of the contract. It boils down to money, he wanted the business and is making sure to distroy us in the process. Any ideas on what we can do or any way to direct us to look at a lawsuit?
i too are been slander by my co-worker because they fell i should not be there supervisor they making me out to be crazy but god be with them all god say what for me will be for me no man can take it way god is good what goes around comes around
my cousin spread rumors that i was molesting her now the whole compound and her mother is spreading the rumors even though i don't even have physical contact with her should i just ignore them or do something because i cant defend my innocence because of all the people believing it.
I have always had this "victim" personality where whatever I did right or wrong I was ALWAYS wrong. It was the way I was raised as a child. Now 50 I have tried for 2.5 years to make all my past realtionships "right" via Face Book. We all come from a small town. I can't even exlain what chaos has been created due to some VERY jealous women, including my sister. I started receiving so much positive atttention that these women bagn to gossip, inbox lies and exxageration about me calling me every name in the book from "whore", to crazy..on and on. All i WAS DOING WAS TRYING TO CORRECT AND PROVE them WRONG BUT DUE TO MY OLD REPUTATION FROM gRADE SCHOOL UP...fACE bOOK HAS CAUSE EVER SINGLE PERSON FROM MY home in florida because I befreiend everyone together. Now About 98% of the "friends" have it out for me due to all the lies. Instead of sitting back I became vengeful and that is what people saw the most and may have thought "she must be guilty". Well I am here living all alone with so much pain...therapy hasnt even helped. I do not trust people anymore. I am VERY losy and frightned and do not know where to turn I am off Face Book of course and still receive vicious emails....I now spam them but I am out numbered. My sister was popular and her friends were too in school. I was an outcast BUT asan adult I have made such a success for myself it blew them away and they taunted me ...so here I am feeling like a bad person again and dispise people.
Thanks for the advice! I've been dealing with a person who will not stop spreading rumors and loves gossip even though they say that they hate gossip. I had broken up with someone a long time ago and their relative started rumors because they were made that me and my ex had broken up. While they are spreading rumors, they are trying to make me the bad person and are telling people that I'm the one who's spreading the rumors. Honestly, I don't know what to do but to ignore it. I try to confront but I'm afraid to get my head chewed off.
I am experiencing a very difficult time and need direction in a similar matter, this time instead of been a family member is a co worker and his ex employer which is now my employer..information i shared with this individual has now been shared around and it has reached my employer and now I am facing an investigation of alleged breach of privacy.
Any suggestions as to how to go about it in my defense..?
thank you
liz 3 weeks ago
i was slandered to the point of never ever trusting people again
for years I am slandered, called wolf, as a member of clergy. I pray for others and another clergy prays for the same person as if their prayers are better. I have made mistakes, but God forgave. I trust God to direct my steps. Evan family has lied on me. Puzzled, but must hold on to Jesus.
ah,
Slander is always a deep hurt. You would think that clergy were immune to it, but slander hurts everyone it touches and it does not discriminate. Keep holding onto Jesus.
zemog,
Having to work for the person slandering you is really tough. They have control over a large part of your life, which makes matters worse and puts you into a spot where you can be exploited. In dealing with such matters, the only thing I can tell you is to document, document, document. Since the work relationship can be exploited, there are laws in place in some states that are designed to help. Know what the workplace laws are and what your legal rights are. Between that and the documentation, you will be in a stronger position.
I am someone who suffers brain damage, though I do not talk or show any physical signs of it. The effects of the damage done to me is related to mental, social and learning disabilities. I do not know if this will help me with the current situation I'm in at all, but I felt it might, if anything, for knowledge purposes.
I am the subject of slander. A Facebook group took my pictures, of which I gave no permission, and used them to show me as someone I am not. After asking them to take them off, a person who used to be a friend over Facebook also used pictures to make me into a pedophile, also something I am not and STRICTLY against.
This is what I'm not quite understanding. I have the proof (pictures, words and even the site name) as to what they are doing, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. Can someone help me?
Zach,
Thank you for sharing about your situation. That is tragic. It is sad that people could be so mean. If you want to take legal action, you would need to talk with a lawyer. If you want help dealing with the situation and how it makes you feel, you need to talk with a counselor. There may also be a mental health agency in your community that could help you with resources and know the best lawyers, counselors, etc. to stop such abusive behavior from continuing and helping you through it.
I had a someone I know try to brake up my marriage by lying and and saying they where another women over the phone. they new it was something the broke my first marriage up and I fell apart the first time. now they are telling everyone I am to blame they did nothing wrong and they keep calling, texting and other things for days to the point i had to change my daughter number block them from my site and now people are delinting me from there sites I do know there saying they don't know what they did and I basically a lire know there's something be said but i don't know and I am afraid of whats next cuz if they went this far and I up set them by ignoring them there not the kind of people to stop till we are ruined. I have information showing what they did. could you please advise me what I may be able to do to protect us? thank you
For many years vicious lies concocted and communicated by a so-called sister of mine have destroyed my life. Maureen Roache-Bloomfield made sure secretly the lies would stick in every possible way.
Chris,
There are some people who enjoy breaking up marriages and relationships. If you ask them, they have many reasons for doing so in order to justify their malicious actions. I would make sure my marriage was secure as my top priority. This may be the first attack yet not likely the last one. Trying to argue with such sick, mean persons will only frustrate you.
Paulet,
I am sad to hear that your sister is spreading lies. It hurts more when it is family. I would be concerned with publicly stating her name.
I used to think things you have been through were absolutely impossible, however then I met my husband's ex and his own mother who have both been incredibly hideous in lies and abuse towards him and then finally to me also. (it completely wrecks the person you once were)
I wish you luck with your book. It sounds like it has been an incredibly hard journey
My Mrs has just had a case of slander opened up on her and we not sure if it is she put on face book " no more (school name) for me" and did not write anything else. This was after applying for a job there wile doing volintering for 6 months.
So is this slander? If so any idears what to do next?
mick,
I am not a lawyer, so my definition is not the legal one. My understanding of slander is one that involves saying things that lead to ridicule or lies about the subject. Since she said "no more (school name) for me", I would not consider that slander. Slander would be more like "(school name) is nothing more than a slime pit filled with pigs" or that "(School name) stole from me" or something of that sort.
guest,
I often wish what I went through was impossible. It was a nightmare that I kept thinking to myself, "This can not be happening" and pinching myself in an effort to wake up. It was no dream. When I was younger, I gave little thought to slander and lies in terms of the damage they do. Now having gone through the experience, I see how destructive they can be.
Thank u for that, I thought that to but need a independent 3 party point of view who has some back ground knowledge
if one of my relative file a false allegation against me of threating under Crpc 107, then in that case what should i do?
You are very welcome. I am glad to be able to help.
Bhupesh goswami,
I do not know what to tell you since I am not familiar with your legal system or know what Crpc 107 says.
The impacts of my so called sister's lies were devastating to my life and have led to unemployment, ridicule, scorn, harassments, and other types of destructive behavior by others toward me. She did not think twice to broadcast my name via her lies to hurt me viciously.
P,
That sounds terrible. When liars inflict their damage they often hurt more people in more ways than could be imagined. I hate to hear that it was a family member since that often pushes the knife of backstabbing in even deeper. In my case, it was a mother. Yee-Gads, it hurts to even remember that much. The shock, disbelief, pain hit me all at once. I feel for you in your pain.
I am apart of a community website called Vampire Rave. It is one that I have paid dearly for in regards to memberships. I have been on this site for over 3 years and now I am being brutally defamed and slandered by members, by the administrators and even by the owner himself. I am not the only one being attacked so viciously either, but why should I leave when I have invested hundreds, if not thousands of dollars into this site? What actions can I take to stop the vilification, defamation and slander?
I have been a target of slander and lies for many years because when I was in high school I got into drugs. I received help and have been sober for 7 years, yet people still call me a coke head amongst many other things. I still have to re-live my past and I do not expect it to ever get better, especially being in a small town. So here is what I have to say for all of the people in my shoes. Even though people may spread lies and walk all over your name be a strong person. Don't stoop to the level of gossip. You should not have to prove yourself to anyone. People are going to say and do what they want no matter the circumstances. Be strong and know that the only person's judgement who matters is God's.
Oh my...how sadly familiar. I have been slandered destructively by seven vengeful "guilty" individuals over 15 years. First an abusive husband who's wife was dying,told me of horrible mental and phyical abuse...before and when she was so ill...she begged me not to leave her alone with him. I confronted him,shared info with all involved and he was barred from being alone with her. She died and he began a campaign to destroy my professional life by accusing me of having killed her with medications (he was my father-in-law!) A few years later, two of my ex husbands went to chief of police accusing me of hiring the mafia to beat them up ! Based on being from New jersey and having (really) a cousin Vinnie...it was a family joke...but apparently taken seriously by my ex. Then a separation and divorce ..a new girlfriend...and both the ex and GF began lying to everyone. In court,he did get caught...but in the community...it went on and on. Then...(I am a professional nurse since 1969)...a really crazy nursing director attempted to use me as an example of her power....threatening with loss of license and medication errors etc. Thank goodness I have a sharp memory and not easliy rattled. I questioned her investigation and allegations carefully and she lied...and I was able to prove it. he was soon fired. Latest....my own mother turned vicious. She became very ill at age 89...could not stand rehab in care facility, I arranged home care and took her to her home and stayed assisting paid caregivers...while I was using a walker a mionth after I broke my leg. Hopice was arranged and she only asked once for morphine before she became comatose for 3 days. Not indicating pain at all,she received nothing. She came out of that state alert...in charge...and mean. Mind...she did not have an infection...had no mind altering drugs...no senility at all. She demanded that the people who she had given power of attorney etc.(they live 600 miles away) to come immediately and take her away. My eldest daughter came and upon her arrival my mother began ranting about how I had tried to kill her with morphine. The one thing she knew had happened with my mother-in-law and how terrible it was and how I had to protect myself etc. My daughter took me out of there, she was shocked and in tears but saw how vicious my mother could be. A few years before she had tried to garner sympathy from two of my nurse friends telling lies about me (they of course told me).
It was so shocking and scary...I took all the drugs out of the house...called law enforcement to request they please check contents etc.(wrong move ! They told me I was wrong to do that...OOPS). So her POAs took her away and she died about a month later in their care. They were old friends of mine....but are now so cool and secretive towards me.
Lessons learned. I will never ever again take care of anyone without 24/7 witnesses. I will always document every little thing . I will always have witnesses to any sensitive or controversial conversations. And above all...avoid like the plague those who have something to hide, some ax to grind, some point to prove...anyone who seems to be a narcissist, anyone greedy and selfish...need I go on. Anyone I have shown/proven/challenged to be wrong,a liar,thief,cheat etc.
The guilty will set others up...I am so wary now it's sad. But...I am not naive and I really have lost trust but...better that than being devastated. I have also learned the "don't you dare" approach and letting anyone who even hints a such nonsense know...I won't allow it.
Recently saw how that worked as a really formerly aggressive apartment manager tried to intimidate me with "innuendos"...well...I took the high road, had documented many events(all tenants)wrote to her employer,gave information about the law to people being harassed and others. Things are alot better.
Before any of this happened, I was trusting. I have had nothing in my life go on to warrant any "slander". Perhaps those who are dark just can't stand the light !
Thank-you for the chance to vent.
txmommy,
Those early life misjudgements and mistakes are often twisted into something that even we can not recognize. Slanderers are often self-righteous and think that they are doing the world a favor in attacking others. I encourage you to continue rising above their level of slime.
Anon,
That is a tough one. I don't know what to tell you in terms of what action you can take other than to talk to a lawyer about it, since you have an investment in it. Since it is a private group, your options may be extremely limited.
Louise,
You are right when you say that those in the dark can not stand the light. After sorting medications for an elderly mother on a daily basis, it hurt when she accused me of poisoning her food and tampering with her medications. Thing became even more tragic, when she took matters to court and rather than look at the evidence, the Judge just commented that 'an old woman wouldn't lie'. I had smoke coming out of my ears at that point.
Rather than get on my soap box, I'll just say, that I understand about how what started as caring for an elderly person was twisted into something ugly. I hate hearing that you had to go through that.
What's worse than having your own mother bad-mouth you and ruin your relationships with people even your own son. My mother did this to me starting in my teens. For years I thought about why she was like this and the conclusion I got is that her image was all important, as most people, but she conceived me before she married my father and that was in the 1940's when it usually didn't happen so she made me out to be bad to everyone, so if her sin was ever made known, people would say you paid for it by having a bad daughter, which by the way, I wasn't in the least, just the opposite. It caused me more suffering than you can even imagine.
Have to add, she also abused me mentally and physically while I was growing up and at one time told me I was all kinds of bad things, actually all the things she was! So I had zero self esteem, couldn't even talk to people.
slander is such a vile thing to do ,esp untrue slander,ive just fled from my home town,lol i couldnt get out of there quick enough after 18 mounths of the most sick and twisted untrue slander by an ex freand i mean realy sick slander the type were people id previously talked to would avoid me i felt under siege and id made the grave mistake of renting with one of her close freands so i could do nothing i defended myself when i could but basicaly i had to take it .this person and there little gaggle of co conspiriters treated me like shit i wrote[never ever commit anything to wrighting ever]and told her of in the most constructive way becouse i was very fond of her..i thought she was my freand..big mistake she has done everything she can to destroy my life to the point were ive had to leave town..untrue romours in a small town stick like shit to a blanket they dont go away people embelish them till they become something very very sinnister and you become the local freak and bogieman..i will visit my hometown again becouse i have some real great freands there who rose up and defended me i was very tuched ..but the damage has been done..and i am seen as the local frak and bogieman..but you know karma swiftly visits and wot goes around comes around and for thease vile pedlers of bullshit and hate ..there are very dark and black clouds on the horizon for them..dxxx
I too was a victim of libel from an ending friendship of many years. This person put libel entries on Facebook on the status update wherby this blasts to all of their walls and their friends walls and to cell phones. I would like to press charges for this and just might. I think people need to think b4 they write....putting things in writing is much more severe and harsh than saying behind one's back. I think it totally disgraceful to defame people on Facebook or any other social media fr that matter....i extend my sympathies and can empathize with others that have been hurt. But, I do agree that a persons mental state can be a huge factor in their actions.
Ann,
Having a mother who libels and slanders you is terrible. You have the pain of the lies, and slander coupled with the intensity of pain only a mother can inflict and the isolation they can create. It is a nightmare that feels like it can not be escaped from. My experience is that some of the people from that generation had some severe problems to where they destroyed their children rather than loved them. Control is used rather than love when it comes to motivating them. It is tragic.
Damo,
I hate that you had to leave your home town. When slander turns into a conspiracy, things get nasty fast. I suspect that a lot of stories about the weird people in small towns is actually rumor mills attacking people that are unique. What goes around does come around as they say. A person cannot stir up such stink and not have it stick to them in some manner as well.
Liz,
Thank you for sharing. I suspect that much of what the world considers 'bullying' these days are actually forms of slander. Facebook just gives them new ways of intimidating and hurting others.
I found myself writing almost a book, and had to stop myself. Suffice it to say that I too have suffered slander at the hands of my own mother. Not once, but twice. She first told a member of my family that I had had an affair years ago with an old boss of me. This was a blatant lie. Then she told my niece and nephew that I was mean to her (because I had asked her to get her own phone line) -- she ws receiving calls from them at a rate of 13 per day beginning at 7:30 a.m. -- They posted this on facebook that I had been mean to her. They also told me to "go apologize to your mother". That was the straw, so to speak, that broke the camel's back. She has been in my care (because no one else wanted the responsibility of taking care of her for 25 years. She has had both hips replaced twice on each side with three of them from falls -- she has severe osteoporosis. This "nephew" has never even called her on the phone. He has never visited her here in her home - EVER. He lives 1.5 hours away from her. Yet because of his gossiping sister and my gossiping mother, he believes he knows everything that has gone on in this house for the entire time she has been here. That was the end of it. It was hard enough that she actually lied about me having an affair (the funny thing is I know of at least four men she has had affairs with while still married - but kept this to myself because I was trying to protect her reputation - believe it or not), but because she is now 84 years old, "she's just old" is the only excuse I hear about her slandering. Needless to say, I told her she had to leave. The next step, I feared would be that she would lie and say that I had hit her or hurt her or threatened her. Now, one of my brothers is in charge of her and I tried to call him the other day and he hung up on me twice. Now, I will not force myself upon any of them. It is better to be alone than to have family that say they love you -- but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do. I can deal with being without them because I figure they never loved to beging with and if that is the case, I am better off without them. What I cannot deal with is my own mother in my home lying about me. That's my story. It is sad, but true.
I found myself writing almost a book, and had to stop myself. Suffice it to say that I too have suffered slander at the hands of my own mother. Not once, but twice. She first told a member of my family that I had had an affair years ago with an old boss of mine. This was a blatant lie. Then she told my niece and nephew that I was mean to her (because I had asked her to get her own phone line - instead of sharing ours for free) --she was receiving calls from my niece at a rate of 13 per day beginning at 7:30 a.m. -- The nephew posted this on facebook that I had been mean to her. He also told me to "go apologize to your mother". That was the straw, so to speak, that broke the camel's back. She has been in my care (because no one else wanted the responsibility of taking care of her for 25 years. She has had both hips replaced twice on each side with three of them from falls -- she has severe osteoporosis. This "nephew" has never even called her on the phone. He has never visited her here in her home - EVER. He lives 1.5 hours away from her. Yet because of his gossiping sister and my gossiping mother, he believes he knows everything that has gone on in this house for the entire time she has been here. That was the end of it. It was hard enough that she actually lied about me having an affair (the funny thing is I know of at least four men she has had affairs with while still married - but kept this to myself because I was trying to protect her reputation - of all things, believe it or not), but because she is now 84 years old, "she's just old" is the only excuse I hear about her slandering. Needless to say, I told her she had to leave. The next step, I feared would be that she would lie and say that I had hit her or hurt her or threatened her. Now, one of my brothers is in charge of her and I tried to call him the other day and he hung up on me twice and wouldn't let me speak.
Now, I will not force myself upon any of them. It is better to be alone than to have family that say they love you -- but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do. I can deal with being without them because I figure they never loved me to begin with and if that is the case, I am better off without them. What I cannot deal with is my own mother in my home lying about me. That's my story. It is sad, but true. As a footnote, I would like to add that in that 25 years, my mother was provided a room approximately 16 X 30 feet long with her own bathroom and walk in closet for free. She was never charged any type of rent or charged anything for phone service, satellite television, electricity or any other amenities such gasoline to go to the doctor or even payment for gas when when we had to drive a round trip of 1600 miles to pick her up after she had fallen at my brother's house and bring her back home to get yet another hip replacement. She was never charged for the ramps we had built for her wheelchair or the dinners I cooked and delivered to her lap, or the laundy that I did for her while she was unable to do those things...it's funny no one ever mentions those things, isn't it? The last thing I would like to say is that I managed to do those things with the help of my husband, holding down a full time job as a medical transcriptionist and being diagnosed with diabetes Type II, mixed connective tissue disease, anemia, vitamin B12 deficiency and vitamin D deficiency for the last 5 of those 25 years.
I am trying to help a friend get her daughter back from her x partner the matter is in hand of a social work dept He accuses her of drunkenness and endangering the child, and the social work dept are believing him, the fact is he drinks daily also uses cocaine regularly and passes the child on to is new partner and her family to allow him to go to pubs, weekend away with THE BOYS, he regularly phones to shout abuse at her when he's drunk or wasted on cocaine,which upsets and depresses her,he also taunts her that she will never get her daughter back.I have been close to her on a daily basis for over a year and she has never had alcohol but no one will believe this, as the social work report state she has alcohol issues. where can she get help
Bobby P.
I am no fan of social services, and have personally seen more damage done by them than help done by them. In your situation, I do not know enough to tell you what to do or where to go for help since I am not sure where you are writing from. I also do not know how my limited awareness of resources could be of assistance in regaining custody.
Misconception,
Thank you for writing to me. I can relate to much of what you said. Your comment, "but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do" hits the nail on the head. It sounds like all the stories and slander are about keeping you under control, reinforcing their positions and dropping a load of guilt on you so that you continue caring for your mother.
Rather than have you care for her out of a motivation of love, they are resorting to using guilt, manipulation and control, which are not good motivators if someone wants good care. They work, but are detrimental in the long run.
You deserve a medal for the sacrifices you have made in caring for her. It is sad that she does not show appreciation for what you have done. Those who use libel and slander to motivate others are often blind to things done out of love.
I know the pain of being hurt by someone close to you. It devastated me, to think that my own mother could stoop to the things she did. I did not understand her evil acts and still do not see how she could sleep with herself after what she did to my family and me. Although I have forgiven her, I am not about to let her back into my family's life and rip it up again with her lies, slander, and hurting accusations.
You may want to think about exit plans. When things escalate, at what point will you and your family have had enough? This is a tough question, but a necessary one. Even when architects design buildings, one of the first things they put in the design are the exits.
Being slandered by a friend or family member is especially hurtful. My father-in-law told my other family members that I abused my wife and daughter.
My former boss told all of my former co-workers that I hacked into their email accounts, and that I quit the job because I was caught. I actually phoned him to confront him on this, and he just lied and said that he didn't say these things.
You can try to tell yourself that these things aren't personal, but they are. They're extremely painful and hard to forgive. Our Father in heaven understands, and is there to help us forgive . . . but it's still difficult. When I see these people, the pain is triggered again. To be slandered is to be wounded.
My husband is being slandered/libeled on the internet by his exwife. How do we get her to stop? Hire a lawyer?
Scotland. I reals I didn't put enough info into my comment, but thanks very much for your reply. I am reading other comments on your page and they are both eye opening and interesting
I have a family member that is using a social media site to tell my friends that my husband is a drug dealer and that we are both drug addicts. I do not know what to do. I have deleted my account on the social media site, but I am still being told by mutual friends that she is doing this. What can I do? This has been going on for far too long, and I am considering pressing charges or getting a lawyer.
I was slandered by my half sister. She falsely accused me of something I did not do. She assaulted me by calling my phone and left a very angry message. She said ugly words and threatened to beat me. All for nothing. She refuses to talk to me so I can get to the bottom of this. This has hurt me deeply. She has taken a lie and tried to justify it. I can feel and see the doubt in my family's eyes, when I tell them I am innocent and it is not in my character or nature to do such things and I would never hurt anyone. This has affected me to no end. It has totally disrupted my life. I feel so much anger at her for saying such vicious lies and do not know what to do. The only little comfort I get is that I took the voicemail she left on my phone and she was issued a citation. I can't help but Hate her. I've never felt so much anger and hatred; I am usually a very pleasant person and love people. I don't want to feel this hatred, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am very depressed.
I have had an ongoing harrassment and slander situation from "church" people, including a pastor. It is extremely hurtful and I seem to be powerless to stop it. This particular pastor slandered me in the past after I left employment there. I am a moral, stable Christian woman and these people are spreading rumors all around. What do I do about this? It is ongoing harrassment.
Misconception,
Thank you for sharing your story. It hurts being hurt and betrayed by one's own family. That is a terrible accusation she made. I have often seen a pattern of how slanders often accuse others of what they are doing.In your case, it sounds like that is the case.
Geo,
The pain and trauma of slander is intense. In terms of false accusations of abuse, there are hundreds of parents that have landed in jail or lost their children due to false allegations. The mental health field, courts and law enforcement needs to do a better job of separating out false reporting and real child abuse (but that will get me on another soap box).
I agree, to be slandered is to be wounded, in a very painful way.
Heather Roessler,
There are plenty of old sayings about the wrath of a scored woman. It is often touchy as to how best handle such a situation. If they won't listen to you, they will not likely listen to a lawyer. They may also be trying to pick a fight. Ex-spouses often try to keep whatever connections they had alive, even in a negative way. You may want to weigh your options and consider what you would gain and what you would loose in seeking further actions to stop her.
Hurt,
Slander most often focuses on either accusations of drug abuse or sexual misconduct.In terms of getting a lawyer, since I do not know where you live and what laws you are under, it is hard to give you a definitive answer. The laws of the various countries that readers come from makes such an answer tough.
Margaret,
You may want to consider attending a different church. When the pastor is not speaking the truth in love, there are big problems in the church.
lindagon,
There are times that slander leaves you feeling powerless. In such situations, it is important to not allow the slander to work its 'magic' on you and leave you feeling that way.
Hannah and Terry,
I chose not to include your comment, since they provide your email addresses and I am not able to edit comments. Given the nature of slander, and how information like email addresses is often abused, I choose not to post that information. I hope that you understand my reason for taking such action.
thank you all for the support on her much appretiated,i know live in the big city and i feel such freedom its wonderfull things are going my way i dont have to have eyes in the back of my head and endure bad press and bullshit about me no body knows me here i can be whoever i want to be i havent been near that small town for 5 mounths i just dont wanna go back [maybe in a couple of years]i still keep in contact with good trusted pals there via e,mail and phone but i just dont wanna go anywere near that place sometimes i feel sad for the place ,but its a small town with no jobs anymore no money,deep in recetion people are bored skint futureless they bullshit and shitstir becouse they have nothing going for them they suck and there lives suck ive tryed to understand to find so pity..but i cant becouse the slander and bad press put out about me was so vile ,twisted,sick and very very harmfull all i can do is move on and try to forget make a good life for myself and my advice for anyone unfortunate enogh to find themselves in a simmilar situation..get outta there,go,leave its not worth staying,you will allways be viewed with suspition just leave..good luck damoxxx
Damo,
I wish you well. There is a time to fight the slander/lies/etc. and a time to move on from them. I wish you well in moving on. I took that option myself, and have not regretted it. The slanderer in my case had poisoned just about anything and anyone they came in contact with. I hope that you find a job soon.
All the best!
I didn't know so many people go through slander and libel. It's comforting to me to know I am not alone in this. I have been slandered by my husbands family for the last 13 years. I am also adopted and my "adoptive sisters - 3 of them" also lie about me. I've gotten word from my mom of "some" things said to try to get her against me and think evil of me. Things I amm NOT confronted with. I also came across statements made by one of my mother's other daughters in a file from my mothers medical file that was exposed accidentally to me of statement she made about me to try to keep me from acessing any information regarding my mom's health condition. Another of my mom's daughters have also gone to the school where my children attended 5 years ago and told them things that I do not know what has actually been said. But the schoool began treating my children horribly as well as myself. Lying to them about me and giving leading statements for them to agree with. (Inwhich my kids didn't agree with b/c they weren't true), I've had my name forged on school document to get them invovled in school counseling, which I left entirely up to my kids if they felt they wanted to go. I have requested any notes on my children and myself in attempts to get this information so I can take the people who caused all the confusion to court or atleast confront the person(s) involved. But that only made them more agressive and suspicious of me. My family has tried claiming my "birth" mother was scizophranic (spl?) who died when I was 6 - and so therefore I also have a mental illness. They have lied about my children to use against me. My husbands family has made me out to be a child abuser, abusing my children and his - THOUGH NO legal action or investigations have EVER been brought to me. This is all behind my back. I have never been legally investigated. But what it has done, is cause my children to suffer psychological abuse from every school they attend in attempts to try to get them to say things about our family - and get me caught for something I've never even done. I have been accused of coaching my children, abusing my husband, a big fat liar, angry, psycho, mentally ill, and more. I can't make friends - because whoever is behind this follows our where abouts and calls to "inform" and "warn" to protect other children as well as my husband and our children. My husband only speaks well of me and people think it's a cover. However - My children suffer from this just as much. I fear beginning my own business, that it will keep me from clients and supporting my family financially. My children have been shot at and been told they would go to jail for defending themselves by an officer. My children have been sexually abused by certain people within my husbands family, then turned it around that I was hateful and being malicious to them because I control my husband and try to keep his family out, using the fact that there was no medical findings to "prove" the incidents occured. My in-laws' church hated me - the whole church and they don't even know me. All it takes is for my name to be mentioned and they look at me with fright and stay away from me while trying to "protect" my children and get them away from me. The schools use the friends they make there to try to get information about me/us. Everyone thinks I'm hiding behind my husband. We had a landlord come into our home when we weren't there - stalk and walk around the property - talk to neighbors about us - peering in through the windows - slander us at churches (he was also a pastor) - had police do child welfare checks (which always came out good)- I would have people pretend to be my friend to later find out that they would pretend to confide in me about things they have done to try to get me to confess to things I've never done, and pass whatever they can conjure up and distort from wat I've said about anything to have it rementioned to me from other people. My family and my husbands family have even worked together. I have lost every friend I had - and on facebook severeal years ago, as I was in touch with school friends - now won't have anhything to do with me and would make indirect comments to me. I've had people walk around every property we lived at since my husbands 2 other kids came to live with us, shining falights in our house, scratching on the doors posing to be a dog, driving by taking pictures and skidding off, neighborhood kids wanting to see my childrens diaries and personal information they write down. My children being lied about and made out to have problems that identify with being abused/living in an unstable environment. Yet my children are exceptional, but wounded from all this craziness. My 2 step children wrote "fake" diaries about me and my kids that have circulated. When they lived with us would brag about how fighting someone was all about strategy. My children aren't believed. I have told people that if they think my children are in danger at home to call the law. I've told people to bring on an investigation that I deserved a FAIR legal investigation. Never happened. We love in seclusion and hide our life from everyone because people use anything to warp to confirm whatever they've heard/read. I even had people telling me when I confronted them that I was imagining all this - I have been told "No one would ever believe me". Every day I think about suicide. Though it's not an option. My kids need me and I am now pregnant with our fifth child. (and no it's not hormonal. this goes well beyong pregnancy) I've recently pulled my kids out of school because of the emotional abuse and danger the school's dean was doing to my son and the head games from 2 other staff at the school with me. My youngest son's vulnerability by age and innocence is used by staff personel to get information. They groom my kids and gain their trust to monopolize my kids, circumstances, and their character. I am forced to homeschool - which I love to do - but I have to work, too. I live for my kids. I would never want my kids to go through what I went through and lose their mom. but I keep my head high in public and hide it all. At home I am depressed and wait to die. My children have no clue, I carry a strong persona in the fronting of others. But I feel helpless and devestated. There's so much we have been through, that its trauma - not just hurt. I am alone.
alone,
It is painful to hear about all that you have been through. I would say that it is hard to believe that people can be that mean, but I have learned that they can be that mean and meaner. Slander and lies are tools used by some people to control others. It is a way of enforcing compliance and or silence. Given the experiences you have survived, it makes sense that you would be suspicious of others and be on guard against others taking advantage of you. The exploiters then use your vigilance as 'proof' that you are paranoid or some other label.
When you are being slandered, your children are being sexually abused and you are being kept in the dark about family issues, it is NOT paranoia. It sounds like there are some in your adoptive family that never want to let you into the 'inner circle' and be fully accepted. That is tragic.
It does not sound like your neighbors are nice people either. Some communities are as bad as families about not accepting people. It hurts being shut out of things. When you need support the most they turn their back on you.
Those who torment others often try to isolate them physically, relationally and mentally. Comments like "no one would ever believe you" only serve to emotionally isolate you and get you to question yourself. It will be important that you trust your own gut, and your own mind rather than other people trying to tell you what to think or devaluing you.
You are courageous for homeschooling your children. I wish you well in that endeavor. I am glad that you found the hub. You are not alone. Slander and libel are often used to terrorize people and get them to question even their own thinking.
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Books by Sue St. Clair
| 1. |  | This is my story of the challenges I went through while caring for an aging parent with dementia. She managed slandering and libeling my family in the local community along with suing us for over a million dollars. This account details how we dealt with those challenges and the lessons we learned about what to do and what not to do. Amazon Price: $9.99 |
bella 3 years ago
someone has used slander in the workplace against me and i know they have a mental problem. my superiors have looked into the allegations informally and find no complaint aagainst me. i am finding it very difficult as we are both working together in the same building. i am on tenderhooks all the time now even though i am innocent. i believe the person slandering me has delusions